Loss and love

The first word that just came to mind were “fuck a duck”

Well at least it rhymes.

I know I am blathering some coherent some nice prose. In days to come it will get better

My eyes are more red and puffy than they have been because of my cold, they have now been further exasperated by sobbing and wiping the tears away.

I keep finding myself holding my breath, I don’t think it is intentional and I know I need to remember to breath but every so off I feel it catch hard. It is kind of a shock and I remember why and cry again. It is not a cry I have felt before today. It is hard soul wrenching.


So much is caught up in this. Love and hope that are now lost. Future plans never to be made.

Worst of all having to be the one to call or write to others to tell them, The silence the anger the tears, none of it and all of it directed at me. My words have helped to break some hearts but it really is not fault of my own. They know I am as hurt as they are but it really doesn’t help.

While I wait for it to get better I clean and I hug my family.