The Penultimate November post.

*Penultimate is one of my fathers and my husbands favorite words...last but one. That is what is left in November for days of writing. this happens right after the second part I posted.*

As I drift off I hear the quiet tinkle of the bells on the cats collar and feel the bounce in the bed as one cat then another jumps up to join us. The crowdedness of the bed only increases the warmth and coziness of the room. I fee l sleep pulling on my consciousness and the heavy breathing of Justin and the sweet sighs of Helen make sleep more welcome. Soon the warm encompassing darkness of sleep takes me.

Suddenly, I find myself standing by below the window to the bathroom.  The room is bright and fileled with noon time sun. A woman is sitting on the toilet crying softly saying to me “He says he want you too but why can’t I have you. I don’t understand what am I doing wrong? Tell me how to do it.” I step over to her and look up at her rear streaked face. Her eyes are puffy and red. She looks very tired and worn. Although I know she is beautiful and young she seems old to me. She is mine and I will do anything I can for her she gave me life

“I don’t know Mommy” comes a voice from me. It is airy and unearthly not mine but from me. As suddenly as I arrived I feel ripped away and I am laying awake in Helen’s bed the cats, Justin and Helen where they were when I fell asleep. My heart is beating rapidly. I take some deliberate deep breaths to calm myself. I keep repeating to myself “it was only a dream” I feel oddly shaken by this dream. I need to prove to my self there was nothing to this.

My mouth is dry, as is the usual state of things when I wake up in the middle of the night. So there is nothing else to do but get a drink of water and the closest place is the bathroom that I was just in in my dream. I slowly sit up disengaging my arm from under Helen’s head without disturbing her, and getting my feet out from under the cat without encouraging them to move into my warm vacated spot.